Today I have one mission.
Buy bigger pants. Not pretty ones, not sexy. Just bloody comfy ones.
It goes against every grain of me but I do not flippin care. My arse will thank me for it and as I become less concerned with making people happy this year I may as well please my tush.
Monday I came home from Ikea, a joyful but exhausting day had been had. It had been somewhat harrowing in that we went to the Southampton one instead of Croydon. I have been loyal to Croydon for ten years. I am not good with change. It is, the same, but different you know? I still spent the obligatory £200 without meaning to. (On shelves, so now we'll be eating beans but be organised. oh yes.) And I still ate meatballs, chips , gravy and lingonberry sauce. You have to at Ikea. It's law I think? But the cafe was different. The carpark was odd. Not the same.
So anyway back to kecks. I came home and the first thing I said to James on getting through the door with Mo was
''I'll talk to you in a minute, I've just got to take my knickers off.''
He nodded. He was not excited in any way ( Why would he be? who would get excited about a hippo in my clothing?) He just nodded.
The reason for the knicker removal is that my butt seems to have got bigger. I do not know why? I'm sure it's nothing to do with hibernating most of December, or stuffing my face with mince pies over Christmas. Because surely at Christmas the calories do not count?
My butt did not change with Monty's pregnancy. So something is quite clearly amiss. I may write a letter to the council to complain? It's obviously their fault as the did not grit the roads? Perhaps that's the reason? Or snow, does snow make you fat?
So anyway, Christmas is over and I am still fat. And need bigger undies.
And today we will mostly be off to M&S. Fact.