Let's play silly games

Monty: Let's play a silly game Mummy!

Me: Ok you have to ask me questions to try to get me to say yes or no, if I say yes or no you win the game.

Monty: Ok. Yes.

Me: Ask me a question then.

Monty: Why?

Me: To make me say yes or no.

Monty: Yes but I already said yes. Yes yes yes! I win.

Daddy : No you have to try to make Mummy say yes with your questions, like this.
             Mummy are you a good driver?

Me: I'm ok

Daddy : See ?

Monty: Ok.

Pause

Tugs at my sleeve

Monty: Say yes Mummy. Could you say the word yes?


I don't think he got it.

A meme that I finally pulled my finger out and did!

 My blogging buddy Mumra has tagged me in this meme started by Kerry Jean Lister.I quite like a meme but I am ridonkulously bad at remembering to do them. In fact I think Mumra tagged me in one where you get your kid to draw a picture of you. And I have forgotten to do it. Sozzles Mumra. But she obviously still likes me as she has inflicted  tagged me with this. So anyhoo, here goes.




Which living person do you most admire, and why?

My Nan. I adore her. Big style. We are very close.


When were you happiest?

Right here right now baby!

What was your most embarrassing moment?

After having Blossom I was carrying her down the stairs to pass to someone so I could nip and have a wee. Except I didn't manage to pass her to anyone in time as my pelvic floor well......Basically I peed all over my stairs. Then burst into tears as my gorgeous husband sighed and went to grab the mop.


Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?

Our car. Shit that's dull isn't? Why did I not lie and say  a unicorn or something.


What is your most treasured possession?

I want to say my children but they are not my possessions, as they'll only be 'mine' for the blink of an eye.  And I do not 'own' my husband as he actually loves me voluntarily! Zoiks. So it has to be my dog, Lenny, a gorgeous natured black labrador. I went into my overdraft to buy him and it was totally worth it!



Where would you like to live?

Brighton ( everyone who knows me and is reading this has just yawned. I bang on about not living in the Bn1 a fair bit!)


What’s your favourite smell?

My babies.


Who would play you in the film of your life?

Drew Barrymore.


What is your favourite book?

I do not care if it is uncool. Harry Potter. Pure regression is a healthy thing no?


What is your most unappealing habit?

Farting.


What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?

A gerbil. Or a rabbit. Not a sexy one an actual fluffy one.


What is your earliest memory?

With my Nan, I had a ladybird crawling on me. I was perturbed.


What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Really rubbish TV.


What do you owe your parents?

A lot.


To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

I say sorry far too often. Sometimes I feel I apologise for my own existence.I'm kind of done with always being sorry. Life is too short to be eaten up with guilt.


What or who is the greatest love of your life?

James. I knew at nineteen years of age that he was the one. Nearly ten years later he still is and always will be.

What does love feel like?

Like a big blanket and a mug of tea on  a rainy winter day, coupled with the adrenaline burst of the promise of summer. Add to that the feeling you get at the promise of spring and the excitement of Christmas. That is what my love feels like anyway.


What was the best kiss of your life?

The first time I kissed James it felt like the rest of my life was starting.



Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"Errrrr" (coupled with a gormless face.)


What is the worst job you’ve done?

In a theme park dressed as Gnasher the dog. I didn't last long.


If you could edit your past, what would you change?

Zilch.

What is the closest you’ve come to death?

When I was 15 I drank too much vodka and was found by a coastguard on a beach unconscious moments from hypothermia. Luckily he found me as I would have definitely died if he hadn't.


 What do you consider your greatest achievement?

This life that I am leading right now is exactly what I wished for. Not everyone gets to make their wishes come true. So I thank my lucky stars.


When did you last cry, and why?

Last week, because I felt so proud of my baby and the boy he has become. My babies can make me cry at the drop of a hat!



How do you relax?

I rarely do. I find it very hard to switch off.


What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

Money. Huh. Original!



What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

That the people in it are what is important. No man is an island, we need people rushing through our veins to make us alive!


I'm not going to tag anyone as I am a tardy blogger and have taken ages to get round to this so everyone has probably already done it!

Congratulations!

Picture credit

Yesterday was a good day. One of my closest friends had her second baby, a little boy to add to her brood joining a doting big brother.

Congratulations lady. I don't think I could possibly be happier for you or your gorgeous family. Which is now complete.

From Mummy, with love #2

I recently paid homage to the gorgeous letters that a favourite blogger (and friend) of mine writes to her son Piran at her blog A place of my own.

 I have had this letter to lil legs swimming around in my head for a while. Here goes.

Dear Monty,

We have had a bit of a difficult ride over the years. It has taken me a long time to work out your quirks and what makes you tick.

But you know what, sometimes if you've not worked hard at something you don't know you have it.

And I definitely have you buddy. And you have me. As you say to me daily. I love you mega.

After Blossom was born I felt like I lost you. Or lost a part of you. You were besotted with your sister but you seemed angry with me somehow. Her first year has been a hell of a ride for us and it is only now I look back I see it with clarity. You were very poorly and went into hospital for an operation, you have had a difficult time with eating and we have struggled with temper tantrums that have reduced me to tears and tested every ounce of me as your Mummy.

But you know what? I may have lost you for a small time, but now you are back and I realise how much I missed you.

You are the best friend a Mummy could have.

You chatter from the moment you wake up until the very second you drift off to sleep.

You have so many hugs for me in a day I could easily lose count.

I love the secret kisses you send me when you think no one is looking as I watch you do your weekly gym class.

No one can make Blossom laugh the way you do. Despite how much we try only you can make her laugh like a drain.

You are my special helper.

I never expected that the protective big brother would be so innate in you, if Blossom even attempts to crawl near danger you throw yourself in front of it like a human shield!

You will be four soon, in August, weeks later you will start school. You are ready. I am not.

I was once in a play (over a decade ago)and in the dressing room I found a beautiful silver ring engraved with this phrase:

''At my back I always hear times winged beast drawing near''

The truth in that was lost on me at the time, but all of a sudden it seems to ring bells in my head. Soon I will lose you again this time to 'big school.' You can't wait to go. I will sniff your neck daily until September, refuse to cut your hair, grab all the kisses I can and enjoy your free spirited urchiness before society put their stamp on you.

Nearly four years ago I gave birth to a boy, but you were the maker of me.

Love you little legs. More than you will ever know.


Mummy. x

The day where so much crap happened I can't think of an appropriate title for this blog post

Today I congratulated myself on being super frigging women as by ten a.m I had achieved an awesome amount of domesticity.

Word of warning people, never ever do that. The washing may be done, the floor may be hoovered, the bogs may be skid free, and this evenings dinner may be bubbling on the stove but listen. THERE IS SO MUCH THAT CAN STILL GO TITS UP. Sky high I tell you.

Firstly I had achieved greatness only to look down and realise that I was still in my pyjamas and smelt not dissimilar to a builders bum cleavage. Whoops. And what is that noise? Oh that would be Blossom waking from her nap. So no chance of a shower.

Blossom has had a bit of a bug so on that theme had crapped right up to her ears.  I am  a poo ninja so it takes more than that to rile me.

I wash and quickly bung my hair up so we can get out for a walk with the dog in the sunshine, we all need the fresh air. Monty still has his pyjama top on, no underwear or anything on his lower half for that matter and if you were to google feral urchin his image would pop up. Obviously not quite super women then given that I neglected to get both of us dressed.

We venture out, Monty looking less Russell Brand,I no longer smell of an armpit and Blossom has all traces of poop removed from her earlobes. Monty is on his balance bike and about five minutes into our journey my heart sinks. We are never going to get home before my fifty second birthday. Could a kid move any more slowly on a wheeled vehicle? I swear he is talking in reverse and it's actually last week on account that time is now going backwards.

Finally we stagger home but we are now stars of a black and white movie and it is 1963 or something. We eat our lunch and Blossom doesn't throw up all over the table which I take as a positive based on yesterdays bench mark.

We head back out into the sunshine, this time to the beach and with the scooter thank god. Monty narrowly misses scooting through the fresh pile of vomit of a lady who clings onto a wall as I feebly ask if everything is ok in a very high pitched voice. Apparently according to her husband she was a bit under the weather. I hate to think what that spew is going to be like under this weather. It's really hot!

Just as we get back to our house a dog runs out in front of a van as I screech and flap my arms like big bird to make the van stop. I called the owner who comes to pick the dog up as Monty informs her we are heroes. Well we are aren't we? The kid is not wrong.

Of course just as I am  about to start sorting dinner I realise I have made spaghetti bolognaise and we have naff all spaghetti so out we trundle again to pick some up and I also remember some other bits we need from Boots so we dash in there as well. Monty shouts very loudly that Mummy needs lady nappies to everyone in the shop which I do not and that is not what they are but that is now what everyone thinks I have in my basket. I would like to reiterate my pelvic floor is in top condition despite having two children and I was not buying tena lady.

It is only when I am asking the lady at the counter about nit shampoo because oh yes I forgot to tell you MONTY HAS NITS when I clock someone I know smiling at me . Shitshitshit! She heard about the nits.

'Hiya' I squeak.who says hiya I mean really? 
'You look well' she beams back at me.
'Yeah hot innit?' I reply aware that my answer has no relation to her previous statement.

Cringing I slink away trying not to scratch my own head in case she thinks I am riddled with lice.

Does anyone else have days like these because I am starting to think that a documentary is being made about me but no one has told me? I mean it's fine, as long as I get a large amount of money at the end.