It has struck me that all my posts have been based around my little Mo and I feel a bit guilty about this. I started to ask why I haven't been pouring all the info regarding my bump out on here. I guess no particular reason other than it's been an odd pregnancy thus far with a few non ideal situations.
This probably sounds a bit odd. I just mean that when I first found out I was pregnant I had a bit of a melt down which I am not altogether happy about but I can understand why it happened.
We had decided in the next few months we were actually going to try for the second baby and then bam.... I'm pregnant! Very happy but also- none of the rosy tinted spectacle stuff you have with your first pregnancy. And I admit it.I panicked. I remembered all the hard stuff with Monty and was still going through a tough time with him, being a spirited two year old.
At the time we were enjoying a nice social life managing to go out once a month with friends whilst my Mum would have Monty overnight...this would all be a thing of the past with two. I realised that I was probably trying to straddle 2 worlds - my Mummy world and my pre Mummy world and it wasn't really working for one reason or another.So I felt a feeling of sadness and finality. Not how you want to be feeling when you just recieved the best news ever.
I felt selfish and disgusting for having those feelings.
A few vile weeks followed, me being up and down, and then I started to bleed, and have cramping. Everything was put into perpective. Told to take things easy and sit it out. I was petrified. I thought it was my fault, I was being punished??
Then I got swine flu.
COULD.NOT.GET.ANY.WORSE. I felt utterly gross until about 11 weeks pregnant, but was also suffering from nausea. Which I had never had with Monty. I spent my days feeling hung over and wishing I could just throw up! This lasted for weeks and I can honestly say I have only probably been really feeling my pickle bump mojo in the last month or so.
All's good now, sorry to put a dampner on things if this post has depressed your eyeballs out of your head- I'm back to shiny happy Bec now and totally loving my Pickle pregnancy.
I think the things that have sorted my preggy mojo out have been taking care of myself, eating well (that has included copious amout of pickled stuff but most of that counts as my 5 a day right? Right???) Excercising- I have been swimming lots- it makes me feel lighter!!! And releases fabbo endorphins. And also good supportive Mummy mates, superbly fabtastic people who had my back and listened to me and were just wholly there for me. And of course my awesome hubby.
So from here on in I'm going to be posting progress pics of the pickle bump and sharing mucho because this goes so quickly and I want to savour every minute!
I believe that women are way to harsh on themselves, excpecting high standards they would never ask for from someone else. I am guilty of this too, we all are. It is perfectly normal to have some apprehension with pregnancy, especialy when it is the second, or third or fourth. You know what is coming and it is scary, hard and overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteI had a miscarriage between my two and even then, even tho we were trying, even tho I really wanted a second, I still had all those feelings. and still do. With two small people runnin around and having no socila life I sometimes find myself just wishing things were different, wishing I could go abck and undo it. Of course i don't mean it, not really, but for those few moments of wonderful self indulgent missery, I do. And that's okay, because none of us are superwoman. so go ahead and enjoy the enjoyable parts but don't beat yourself up for having low times too. Life is hard enough without imposing high unatainable standards on yourself.
And I'm glad you're feeling better. :)
Thanks so much for your comments Heather, means so much to have someone who has felt the same respond! I worried about a backlash!
ReplyDeleteAhh lovey, bless you. All this stuff is normal, one baby changes your life completely, I cannot imagine what two will be like. Crazy but amazing I guess. You look so well and all glowy when we saw you last week.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had taken more pics of me and my bump, I only started taking pics for the last few weeks and I always look a right state! Wish I had taken more when I was in that happy middle part when I looked quite good if I just ignored the size of my humungous bottom!
Much love xxx
Update: The word verification is Tomshag. Tee hee hee.
I know exacctly what u mean...I felt that when i found out i was pregnant... i got so depreesed and cried so much...is so hard being pregnant and having to take care for a baby still, and i'm still strugguling with the fact that i had another baby when my girl was still a baby herself...but i know now that..is normal to feel like this and at the end it will all b worth...
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