Don't hate me but...

I want to stay at home and be the one looking after my children.

This is not a post knocking working Mums, nothing of the sort but it is a post about choice.

 I haven't posted in a while.  And mostly it's been because the big money, work, childcare debate has been taking over mine and the gorgeous husbands lives. We need more money, but all I earn could be eaten up by childcare. And round and round and round again.

Huge arguments have been had.

When I was on maternity leave with Monty as my time off with him was drawing to an end I knew by the quickening of my heart and the panic setting in that I couldn't do it, couldn't leave him. Coupled with the fact I worked in childcare I felt sad at the thought of going to work to take care of other peoples children, when what I really wanted to be doing was taking care of my own.

So I set about registering as a home based childminder, it was the best decision for all of us and I loved it (aside from the fact my home resembled a nursery and I became a bit taken with cleaning.As people were paying me to take care of their kids- In my mind that meant my house had to sparkle!)

Monty started preschool and then Blossom came along and my childminding came to a close and I settled into my routine of another maternity leave this time with Blossom.

I love it, I thoroughly enjoy the beating of the drum that is what some might describe as the monotony of family life. I enjoy the baking and the painting and the snuggling on the sofa on rainy days with my two precious little people.

But we do desperately need more money.

I have recently obtained a qualification and this meant that I was able to apply for jobs that I wouldn't have been able to before. So I applied, and went to interviews and worked out financially that after tax, national insurance, childcare and petrol that my salary virtually halves.

The thought of leaving my children with someone else 4 or 5 days a week, then my policeman husband rarely getting a weekend off and THEN having little more to financially to show for it was a little too much to bear.

So, I'm continuing with the social media work that I've been doing with Claire, someone I've been hugely indebted to as this work has allowed me to be at home with Monty and Blossom. And I shall be going back to childminding.

I do wonder if I'm letting all the feminists down by not going out there into the world of work. But isn't feminism about choice?

But for now, this is right for me, and for my family.

And that's what it's all about right?

I'd love to know your views, were you deperate to stay at home with your kids or do you enjoy the independance you get from working? Do you work because you had to or did you want to go back? Is there ever a right choice? Is there really a choice? What do you think?