A meme!

(Excuse the graphic picture but I never said I was subtle?)

It had struck me how often I blog about my sons bowel/bladder control or lack thereof.

I have done HERE, HERE,HERE, oh and HERE! (Bloody hell!)

I know this is down to potty/toilet training and the big shift in development that comes with it.

It is also to do with the number of hilarious anecdotes that come with it, a lot of my funniest posts are completely about Monty's poops n pee! Gross? YES! Funny? Well, I think so and it's my blog so........

Anyway in the last week I have had moments of 'my life has come to this??? snigger' as I have sat waiting for Monty to finish on the loo as he has chatted away.

This weeks little nuggets (excuse the pun !fnar!) have included:

During a stomach bug:
'oh Mummy I doing another wet poo!'

Early hours of the morning to his Daddy after hooping off the loo to inspect his 'work!':
'Look my done lot of little Pooh's like crisps, like purple crisps at Nanny's house! '
(I can only assume she had given him a bag of nicknack's? Oh I fancy a packet of those now!)

After eating courgette and pea soup:
'He did a big poo with a dollop of pea soup on top'
This gem was relayed to me over the phone by my Nan when Monty stayed at theirs on Valentines night!!!

Which got me to thinking. It is not just me, surely? All parents have poop/pee stories to share don't we?

So I thought I'd make this into a meme. Then I thought no that's grim. Then CAFEBEBE saw my talent of writing about shit (at least I think that was what she was getting at or maybe she meant my writing was shit??) and suggested the very same. So I have decided to go for it!

I am laughing as I type! This could be a success, or go down like a cup of cold sick (another post entirely) but hell, I'll give it a try!

I tag

Emma at Me,The Man and the Baby(sorry! Not sure you'll like this tag!)

Dawn at The Moiderer

Karin at Cafe Bebe

Claire at Cheshire Mum

and Amy at And One More Means Four (she's bound to have some gooduns!!)

So bring us your wee n dump stories, link the post back to my blog and then tag more innocent bloggers, and so on and so on! Please title your posts as 'Pootastic '

( as I like the word!!)

Go forth and poo/pee blog people, like blogging is our religion and pee/poo is our errrrr communion!!! *snigger! And don't forget to gimme a shout when your done so to speak, so that I can have a read and a giggle!


Sunshine Blogger Award!

I have been given a sunshine blogger award by the lovely Dawn who has a great blog The Moiderer that you really should check out. So first off thank you very much. Shucks, I am chuffed in an almost child like way. OK, yes, in a definite child like way!

I have also been awarded it by MAKE DO MUM. Yes. Double whammy! Get in! Her blog is also 'mazing if only for the fact that she blogs daily, yes, DAILY. She is good!

So here's what we do with it!

•Put the Logo on your sidebar, or within a post.
•Pass the award onto 12 Bloggers.
•Link the nominees within your post.
•Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
•Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

I now have to nominate more blogs which is mega difficult as I follow so many blogs it is hard to narrow down! Any way here goes! I haven't done 12 as I kept finding people had already been nominated. Pah!

Kelly at You found Kellys hiding place because SHE ATE A WHOLE SNAIL! Way before I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Yuck. She's nice though.

Claire at The Good,The Bad and The Ugly because of her and Phil's surreal Mummy and Daddy Moments.

Leslieanne at Life with a little dude as she did h'actually describe me as having the Souths most rockingest bump in her latest post. MWAH! Love oooooh!

Tara at Stickyfingers because Mia makes me laugh so so so very much!

Laura at Are we nearly there yet Mummy? due to her fantastically funny (as always) post on smizing. (The smiling with your eyes kind and nothing to do with love juice in your peepers kind!)

Karin at Cafebebe as she has a best of the rest carnival going on at the moment.

Emma at Mellow Mummy as she has reached her goal and lost all her baby weight! Well done hon. x

Dany at Tums 2 Mums as she has a fab comp on the go for the next month.

Claire at Cheshire Mum as she is so good at making pancakes, and lil H is good at eating 'em!

If you've already been awarded then just ignore, but if not, please link back to my post, and get awarding!

Get messy!

If there is one thing I learned from the course I have just completed it is that child lead creative play is vital in extending toddlers development.

Child lead is a bit of a buzz term in child care and often gets completely overlooked. Basically it means if a child brings home an Easter card from nursery with a perfect Easter bunny on the front constructed entirely by the child being told what to put where, what have they learned? Nothing. However if the card is covered in what looks like a mess to you and me, with two eyes peering out at you and the child tells you its a rabbit then this is child lead. The child has been given the freedom to create a masterpiece of their own to feel proud of and has probably thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

There are so many ways to encourage creative play. It really does not need to be left to the childcare setting, most of us are probably doing them without realising it. But if you need some ideas then here are one or two ( OK a lot) that I love.

Fill a tub up with rice/pasta/dried lentils/sand/water and let the child use cups, spades etc to move the medium around. Let them get their hands in, let them feel the rice, the learning is through the touch and the sensation.

Plasticine or play dough is great for encouraging creative language and manual dexterity in using tools, as well as extending fine motors kills.

Cooking- measuring the ingredients is early maths, combining them to create a product is early science and generally getting their hands in is creative!

Get them to clean the outdoor toys with lots of water and washing up liquid, they can roll play as they are doing it and use appropriate language thus extending vocabulary.

Use voice with dolls, puppets, farm animals to create a story. This captures and encourages their imagination and extends their use of language.

Put paint, paintbrushes, paper and objects (a toy car, a wooden shape, a straw, a sponge) in front of them and let them, do what they want to do, it may not look like anything to you but you'll be amazed what it is to them.

Fill a tray with shaving foam, chuck in their farm animals or toy dinosaurs and away you go - they love this one!

Put out glue and lots of different coloured and textured paper and leave them to create their own collage, you can obviously guide them whilst using the correct vocabulary but try not to take over, let them do it.

Combine cornflour and water to make a loose paste and they can create marks in it on a plate with their fingers, they love the sensation and texture and you can extend their mark making and fine motor skills in this way.

The great thing about creative play for kids is there is no right or wrong for them, with puzzles the pieces have to fit, with counting the numbers have an order and so on. But in some areas of their life it's nice for them to be allowed to just be a bit free.

All too soon, they will be assessed on yes and no answers, multiple choice questions and what they can and can't do. I want Monty to enjoy the freedom of being creative, and if it extends him in so many areas even better!

The labour bag is packed, but what have I forgotten?

It has been packed for a few weeks but I've not wanted to jinx things and go into early labour! I'm 35 weeks now, I had Monty at 37 weeks so Pickle could arrive nowish, or I could go 2 weeks overdue, who knows!?

So this is what I have crammed into these two holdalls:



A comfy yet glamish outfit to go home in( it should hide my belly and make me feel better about the fact that I am walking like John Wayne)
Normal knickers and 'maternity' knickers, y'know the (*whispers) throw away ones? (Incase it seems as though my (ahem) fanny is falling out!!!!)
Daytime feeding bra
2x sleep feeding bras
Mocci's slippers (as I have long been jealous of Monty's! Now I have some! Yay!)
A nightie for labour and comfy jimjams for after
A cotton dressing gown

Other Stuff

Toiletries(shower gel,shampoo, cleanser,toner, moisturiser, deoderant, eyelash Curlers ( errrr WHY!) razor, body moisturiser,toothbrush, toothpaste)
Hair straighteners!!!! vain ...moi?
Breast pads/maternity pads
Energy food and snacks
Relaxing CDs
Video and digital camera, ipod with tums2mums hypnosis mp3's on

* can iI just say, these hypnosis mp3's are amazing for dealing with pain, they have really helped with my SPD and if you want to know more check out Dany's (founder of Tums2Mums) blog where a fantastic competition is taking place just CLICK HERE

Deoderant, tshirt and pants for James
My maternity notes/labour plan *snigger! But may come in handy for paper aeroplanes?
My ticky (Don't ask!)
My mamascarf
Phone, change for carpark etc.


A going home outfit
A jacket
Cotton wool
A cuddly rabbit
A blanket and a b.e.a.u.tiful MANUKA BABY swaddling blanket.

I have to make it as good as this!

Think of this as a Wordless Wednesday post, with a shit load of words attached ok?

This is Monty's nursery. Cute Huh?

I am so pleased with it. It is a vision in Cath Kidston Cowboy wallpaper, gingham, polka dots and wooden toys. A proper boys room. Traditional but not boring. Boyish but not gimicky and not a border or Winnie the Pooh in sight ( I hate that bloody bear!)

But the trouble is. I now have to create a room for Pickle that is equally amazing!

I am working on it.

I shall keep you posted!

Valentines cookies, washed away and a farting back drama.

So I hope everyone has had gorgeous Valentines?

Monty and I made Valentines cookies for James but we made the mistake of baking them on Thursday, and they were eaten by Friday! Whoops! ( But the thought was there.)

So anyway, the day started sweetly, cards exchanged, Mr M loved my present (a massive framed pop art canvas of Bruce Lee) and I had chocs, the promise of a meal out that evening and a 'surprise!' (Which was a bouquet or roses which arrived on the doorstep later on that day.) I am a lucky lady I know, or at least I must be doing something right to get so spoiled?

I made pancakes for breakfast and we all went for a family walk along the beach, the dog was swimming in the sea, Monty and James were throwing stones into the sea. It was blissful.

Then all of a sudden a massive wave comes along, scoops Monty up,drenches him and spits him out! So we walk home, Monty's teeth chattering, the dog in a huff at having his swim cut short.

Monty needs a wee, we have come out without the potty. We decide when he's gotta go he's gotta go and start to go about holding him up against a wall to piddle, he can't hold it and pees in his wellies.

I guess it warmed him up at least?

We sort him out and warm him up as soon as we get home, and My Nan and Grandad (Bobbobs and DeeDee) come to collect him to stay over at theirs to babysit so that we can go out for dinner.

I jump,OK, hobble into a deep hot bath as my hips feel like chalk. This is where I make a school boy error.

I can't be bothered to then have a shower to wash my hair. So I decide to sit in the bath and wash it with the shower attachment, I sit sideways crossed legged and get on with it. All fine.

Then I try to get out.

I can't. I am stuck. I cannot uncross my legs and a combination of my crossed pins and my mahoosive bump means I can't get out,I'm wedged, I had no strength in my arms to tug myself out!

Luckily I didn't lock the door so I can call James to come help. Can he hear me? Can he feck?! (He later told me he was out in the front garden sorting out the recycling. Jeez!)

OK so now I am panicking, I am even doing that thing where you funnel your hands to make yourself louder. I am channelling my inner Pamela from Gavin and Stacey as I often do (SEE THIS POST) except obviously I'm not shouting 'Mick...Micheal...Mick!!' Because that's not his name and he's not coming to my rescue anyway so I do not want to delay things further. I'm getting quite high pitched now with my ' J, James, J!!!!!!' and I am getting cold and oh god what if he's gone to the tip or the shop or something and 'HEEEEEEEEELLLLP!!!!'


Thank Jesi Chrisi!

He tries to pull me out but I am wedged. And I have no strength to hold onto him properly. Every time he tugs me my back sucks against the bath and makes an almighty farting sound. I get the giggles and start to cry a little bit in hysteria too. My legs are full of pins and needles and I feel a little bit light headed. Finally one big tug and a massive guff sound from my back against the bath and I'm out, but my legs have gone and I've got the giggles.

Dignity is dead I tell ya!


Cold Turkey!

So yesterday I had the physio appointment for my SPD or pelvic girdle pain as it is also called.

The physio lady was lovely(she was not wearing birkenstocks which unnerved me but as I sayshe was nice all the same) but she gave me some very bad news.

If I didn't take her advice seriously my pain would get worse and I may end up on crutches.


Errrr lady, I am 34 weeks pregnant and am nesting like a tweety bird on LSD! I have been known to hoover the back of the hob to get rid of crumbs - I kid you not.

So poor Mr has to do it all and I am only allowed to do the folding of muslins etc.

In the absence of hoovering. Sigh. I have made a batch of bolognaise for the freezer when Pickle arrives so we have some quick dinners,I have baked cookies with Mo, done more organising of the nursery and basically started my cold turkey with distraction tecniques.

It is like the episode of Father Ted where they all give something up, fags, booze and roller blading. There are mini versions of my Miele hoover with wings flying around the chandeliers in every room, taunting me.....

I know, I'm a knobber.

I also have to be fitted for arm splints because of my carple tunnel syndrome and I have coning of the abdomen, never heard of it? Neither had I! Apparently it is common in women who excercised a lot pre pregnancy and the stretching of the tummy rips the muscles sometimes irreparably. Now this was not me the only sit ups I did were to get myself off the sofa to get a can of coke but I am fairly smallish build so she seems to think it's because of that?

*Could not make this shit up!

Mr thinks it's all a bit funny as he reminded me of the time I had to wear a gum shield after I had had Monty as I became a bit of a teeth grinder! So dentist took the moulds, then constructed something out of see through plastic. I wore it for a few nights.

One of these nights Monty was sick in his cot and James still laughs at him hearing me shout from Montys's bedroom :

''Jameshh Jameshh can you help me Monty'shhh been shick everywhere and I need to change the sheetshhh''

I never wore it after that.

I cannot see why he would find it so funny? Can you?



So I arrive at college yesterday evening, feeling the countdown - six weeks left of pregnancy, seven of college(whoops!)

But it's OK as I have handed in seven out of nine units, only two to go and they are nearly completed. Phew. All on track to complete the eighteen month course in eleven months. Smug me? A little! Proud of myself. OK a lot!

But wait, whats this ... a whole unit has had to be written off due to a technicality. Bum. Shit. Bollocks. Big Bollocks.

Lots of 'Oh my Christ' (to be said in the style of Pamela- you know Gavin's Mum in Gavin & Stacey) was internally said, as my tutor did her best to stop me going in to labour.

And in actual fact it's fine as I have another unit I can do that I already have most of the evidence completed due to my lovely tutor going through all my assessments and previous evidence and cross referencing it all.

So it's OK.

But it did get a bit OH.MY.CHRIST for a while there. Shheesh!

In other news, here is the bump!

Nesting is commencing like you would not believe, Pickles nursery is done,well decorated and nearing organisation. Prettifying has yet to commence but bunting has been ordered so do not worry, it will be a vision in Cath Kidston Strawberry print! Babygroes are washed and folded neatly in drawers and the moses basket is ready. I know at 34 weeks pregnant this may seem a bit nuts but Mo arrived at 37 weeks, contractions got under way at a police picnic with the husband and ALL his colleagues on Hove Lawns, our flat was full of boxes due to us moving when I would have been 39 weeks. This time round I am going to be ready with the precision of something very precise that I cannot think to compare to?

I have physio this morning for my SPD and carpel tunnel syndrome, which is good as I wake up with hands that feel like they have been to the dentist and hips that feel like they belong to a ninety year old break dancer (I'm sure there are are ninety year old break dancers. No? )

So we are nearly there, the home straight and I for one, am EXCITED!


I am really quite extremely very sorry, sort of.

This particular post is for my (long suffering) Husband.

I am sorry for the following things:

Leaving the interior light on in the car which then ran the battery down. And you had to walk to work. A long way. In the night.

Leaving the parking light on in the car. Which ran the battery down again. And you had to walk to work again. But at least we have jump leads now after the last time eh? (And I didn't even know what or where the parking light was so, well, so not really my fault?)

Changing rules. I am sorry for the new communal chocolate rule in the house. Where if it's your chocolate and you have left it I can eat it. But if it's my chocolate you can't. And if it's my chocolate and I can't finish it I hide it in the bathroom. But usually I do finish it. I know this must have made the bottom drop out of your world drop out as you were the chocolate addict in our house and now I get very animalistic over chocolate. I don't know what has happened to me. But it has, so get over it- touch my choc, feel my force. Ahem. Sorry .Again.

Bursting into tears over random things, like you coming back from picking Mo up from nursery and saying he wasn't talking to anyone on the lunch table. Tears.
The ad for the dogs trust home. Tears. And so on....

Ringing you from upstairs in bed as you watch TV to ask for rice cakes and cream cheese. I was watching 'Big bang theory'

Texting you from upstairs in bed to ask for an apple. I was watching 'How I met your Mother'

Making you do all manner of DIY 'before Pickle is born' and constantly adding to the list, you have decked the garden, decorated our bedroom, decorated Pickles nursery, put up pictures, put up mirrors etc etc etc. I'll leave you be now.

Falling into such a deep sleep after listening to my tums2mums mp3 that you were unable to move me,despite trying to lift,push and shove me across the bed and repeatedly saying my name. You thought you might have to sleep on the sofa. Whoops.Sorry about that. hehehehehe!

In the same vein I'm sorry that I we now resemble a silent night advert in bed. I am the hippo one and you are the duck one. I grunt and groan as I repeatedly have to turn over every 3.8 minutes. And beat my chest like a chimp because of heartburn. Can't be nice for you.

So, I am sorry for all these things.

BUT I am going to be having a baby very shortly and babies mean pushing presents.

If I could have flowers, champagne, pretty things and a maternity (eternity ring) that'd be fab.

Love you. xxx


Creative Crapping! Who knew?

My son has a skill.

It was one I was not prepared for. At all.

He can poo animals.

I don't mean he has eaten a plastic pig and it's made it's journey through his intestines. I mean he can dump in the image of living creatures.

I have wondered if I should start taking photo's and sharing with the world, or at least the world wide web, I mean someone burns their toast with the image of Jesus Christ and look at the buzz that got? But no, I realise that's a bit minging.

It started when he was first potty trained:

''Look Mummy I pooed a snake! I did it!''

Yeah yeah I thought, that is kind of a given. But since then, well he has excelled himself I kid you not. A whole array of creatures has been crapped.

We have had a frog- exact replica, a lion- it really looked like a, well a LION! A dragon that I could of sold to the Loch Ness Monster gift shop.

We have also had a perfect round gingerbread biscuit. With eyes. ( God bless granary seeded bread for authenticity!) That particular plop had to be shown to his Bobbops of course, Mo insisted on carrying his potty into the kitchen as my poor Nan and Grandad were eating spaghetti bolognaise for their dinner. Stupid thing is they were impressed and only marginally disgusted.

Sorry if your reading this while eating.


A private poo and a item of a personal nature.

Monty is doing really well with the depositing poo/wee in loo or potty lark.

He has impressed me no end.

So it came as no surprise when I lifted him onto the loo and he balanced on his plastic make loo hole smaller adaptor thingy when he said :

''Mummy go away, I call you when I done. OKAY!''

OK I thought, normal for him to start to want a bit of privacy. I waited outside for his call, which of course came, and trotted in to assume my 'duties.'

I found him on the loo, pants and trousers flicked off from his ankles, slippers still attached, chewing on a Tampax.

Makes no sense to me?